This is for you Katie-- Happy Birthday!!

So this here is Junebug… a two-month old little kitten whom I have adopted… I don’t really consider myself a cat person, or an animal person for that matter… but I’ve gone and done it- adopted a kitty from the SPCA… Shocking.

Oh the responsibility of this whole other life! Worrying about getting home so she’s not all alone… is she eating enough? Is she eating too much? Shes been sneezing an awful lot, is she sick? Why does she keep scratching… is it fleas? And what does it mean to adopt a companion that could potentially be with me for the next 15 years? 15 years!!! How can I possibly commit to something for 15 years when I don’t even know what I will be doing with myself next year?!

This June I will have been in Baltimore three years. I moved here with the specific goal of getting my masters and heading off into the wild blue yonder educated and ready to face many a great lion. I got my masters. And I am still here. “One more year- just while Kara finishes out her degree.” “Ok, I can do another six months; Good experience.” “Nine more months, I will give it just nine more months.” “Ok, so now I’m the co-director of my program area. That warrants a good year under my belt, hey?”

Come July I will have been co-directing community art for one year.

People who know a bit about me will ask, “So what about Africa?” The question riddles me with… with… argh…! Lord knows I’d like to give you a really good answer. It is true, I have always planned to go back ‘home’ to live and work. But the notion of being back has gotten intensely more complicated over the years. Maybe it doesn’t need to be… but it is. I don’t have an answer. I don’t know what this point in my life means, I don’t know how to be here and work towards getting there. I question my motives and reasons for going back. I wonder what it would mean, to be there, to live and to work… these questions, and believe me- many more- create this paralysis… But it is not just paralysis. There is being here… I have come to love Baltimore; I have found some semblance of community. I love my work place and my co-workers, and what I do (for the most part). I continue to learn. Things that I feel will stand me in good stead when I do find myself in other places. Blink… Blink.

As this year mark fast approaches, I continue to live in an internal state of limbo, contemplating yet another unknown span of time to commit myself to here in Baltimore. Unable to fully root down, because I know upheaval is somewhere in the future.  

But so in an attempt to just be where I’m at… in an attempt to dig in a little more I have found this ridiculously cute little companion to share my life and space with. So I am here- with Junebug, until I have reason not to be. Or a good reason to be elsewhere. And then perhaps we will venture out together. Who knows? For now it is just rather lovely to have a fuzzy, cute little critter that likes to snuggle. And chase her tail, and hurl through the air at break-necking speeds.